Ladies race - can I come next year? E McCarthy … any time you like darling …Ed.

Oh it’s just banter – just a bit ‘o fun – they like it really – meant in jest - bullying can ruin the lives of many and nowhere more than at sea where there is no place to hide. So remember, you sea-dogs – next ladies race just stop it. Editor.

Lady races a piano ………is this poetry or what?

Lets peep inside this enormous bag….

Life-raft, compass, bits of rag

Oilies, GPS and sailing things

Kitten heels, conditioner, pearl ear-rings

Cotton buds, make-up, lippy, thongs,

Eye liner, nail polish, curling tongs,

Crimpers, talcum, dental floss,

Panties, magazines, lip gloss,

Bottox, face mask and a rabbits paw

“Is this your kit….. Mr Linley-Shaw?”

Gentle words drift o’er the sea,

“Up a bit, down a bit, now towards me

That feels lovely keep… it there

A little jerky but don’t despair”

“Oh great, that’s great, it’s feeling fine,”

We’re moving well and making time

“Try to relax and enjoy the ride

Don’t waggle so much from side to side.”

“Slowly now away from port

Hold it firmly…… be a sport…

In and out and up and down”

Must I listen to this clown?

Don’t tell tales they said at school

But I don’t follow this draft rule

Watch the tales or we go slower

You must always tell tales on a Genoa

“Are you comfy, would you like a cushion,

Or a pillow of down to rest your head on?

This tiller is too rough I think……

Can I offer ambrosia or a fruit based drink?”

I steer and listen to this crescendo

The hints, the banter the innuendo

Why do I do it? I must be bonkers

To sail Torbay with this load of plonkers….

Bullies – I’ll beat the living daylights out of them…. Bla bla . Ed RA Nutter (Rtd) Dartmouth

Top stories of the week….

Illegally Immigrated Swine Flew (Daily mail) pipped into turd place by two stories this week: England Fries - Phew( The Sun – story about the weather and cricket) just beat Sonata World Heritage Inauguration in Brixham (Vanity Fare) into second place

Do they practice in a secret location? Who is MrBIG? What is the green footprint of a Snottie? and lots more on Wikipedia.

Letter to the Editor,

Do you have a contact number, I’m game if you are… Edward McCarthy.

A Dolph ( see the Orca Eats Yachts story) captured in Buenos Aries on Thursday. He is said to be in a bad way after escaping from a battering in London. 50 degree burns. He is now married to a pod. HMG have asked for him to be extradited to England so dolfin rights lawyers (you know who I mean) can make a bundle and the NHS is fleeced. The pod have been granted asylum in Brixham Bay. “If it was my choice I would have A Dolph extraordinarily rendered” said a member of the Sonata Fan Club of Brixham – aka Wooly D.

New stick for ‘the pippin’ - some guys get all the luck – will keep you posted (ho ho my little joke) and we hope to have photo shoot of the NEW SONATA in next weeks roundup.

The sun is up so that's it for now.