Sonata world series II 7th race 11^th June 2009

Your reporter successfully infiltrated the inner regions of Torbay last night with a bit of nip and tuck through the darkened alleyways of Overgang in Brixham, to bring you this up to the minute report of continuing controversy in the SWS following the surprising Royal interest in non musical Sonatas as per the recent Reuters press release. Not only are the sailing Olympics in 2012 under threat, but the whiff of sexual (in)equality, transgender operations and performance enhancing sex changes, have all been identified within the SWS II sphere of operations. Such spheres are also to be seen on one leading boat in particular, the cunning hull side message having been decoded long since as relating to not one, but two spheres in particular.

All Sonata skippers and crews were especially anxious to impress on this race with it’s guest Race Officer, Shaun Semmens, ably assisted by his Mum. Shaun is of course well known as both an excellent skipper and nip and tuck agent with some obscure West Country boat tailoring and suiting outfit. Despite an initial lack of appreciation of correct terminology, he successfully started the Sonata class as part of the Corinthian fleet, despite the original radio message promoting us all to the prima donna class of IRC.

Twas truly nip and tuck at the start as boats converged on port tack for the line, with Simply Alto in the lead despite trying to sail at impossible angles of heel in the fresh breeze. A’Piano with master helmsman SLS took a nip and tuck course inside at the first mark only to be overshadowed by Simply Alto whose crew gave a masterly demonstration of how to nip and tuck a spinnaker complete with pole, vertically into space at the first hoist. Blues Breaker and Sir Tom surged off in complete control with a bit of a crowd control problem on the windward rail as they tried to nip and tuck 5 various sized personages into a space normally occupied by 3 slim crew.

Meanwhile Simply Alto was overtaken by the mighty Trichord who had no such nip and tuck problems with their crew, despite the recruitment of an enormous helmsman, now known as Tiny Tim, and well known for conversation, who politely instructed Simply Alto to “get on with it”. This the Sonata promptly did by using nip and tuck on many of the bits of rope and cloth which are such a mystery to her crew, but which if used in the right order, can produce forward motion, and promptly left mighty Trichord in her wake.

At the front of the fleet, SWS II boats were intent on using nip and tuck on both themselves and the much larger boats to good effect. Finally the Blues Breaker crew used all their dual sex attributes to steal another win, maintaining the tradition of only allowing fully sexed crewed boats to win. Simply Alto has implemented a nationwide search for a girl crew, with developments anxiously awaited next week. SLS and A’Piano were proposing some further nip and tuck operations, possibly on the impossibly narrow hipped “Boy Robin”, in order to provide themselves with a dual purpose male/female crew. These salacious discussions were well hidden from the Race Officer’s Mum, by confining SWS II crews to a dark and dingy corner of the post race operations refuelling area, and maintaining all conversations in SWS code using words taken only from the Goacher vocabulary, whatever that is.